Guilty -- Regret -- Grateful

Heyyyy , lama sudah saya tidak update blog kan ? busy dengan pelajaran . hee ~
yaa , berkaitan dengan title blog tuu . hmmm ~ hari ini , aunty saya bercerita dengan saya tentang kehidupan dia tanpa suami dia . perkara tuu tidak perlu mention sini laa kan ? :P
Cerita ini berkaitan dengan kehidupan saya , family saya . :(
Firstly , saya seorang anak yang sangat derhaka , selalu memberontak dengan parents saya . bermula dari sekolah menengah , sentiasa membawa masalah di sekolah dengan kawan , escape , bergaduh , hari-hari datang sekolah tapi tidak belajar cuma pergi buang duit . di rumah pula selalu melawan ibubapa . jalan minta duit dengan bapa mama , mahu beli baju , seluar , pun minta bapa mama , apa lagi reload ? pun duit bapa mama . semua guna duit bapa mama . sekarang sudah sambung study , 2 bulan seja saya sudah guna duit beliau sebanyak rm1+++ . baru perbelanjaan saya tidak termasuk yuran , sewa .
selepas ditegur oleh aunty , baru sedar bahawa duit bukan senang dicari . apatah lagi kami 5 adik-beradik , tambah bapa mama , sudah tujuh orang dalam rumah . bapa seja yang kerja cari duit . saya dengan kakak perlu membuat assignment dengan laptop , mahu apply broadband , saya pula jauh dari keluarga . tidak dapat manage duit dengan baik , hari-hari shopping dengan kad bank . bayar elektrik ? bayar bil air ? makan minum keluarga ? baju ? duit belanja ?
saya cuma tahu buang duit disini . mahal macamana pun yuran kolej saya , bapa sanggup bayar dan tidak galakkan saya apply PTPTN . sayalah anak paling tidak berguna . sekarang ? saya sudah berubah , demi masa depan keluarga , demi bapa mama , adik-adik . belajar bersungguh-sungguh . harapkan adik-adik dapat rajin belajar , tunaikan hasrat bapa mama . tahun ini adik keempat UPSR , adik ketiga PMR , kakak STPM . dapatkan result yang baik gembirakanlah orang tua kita , buatlah mereka bangga dengan kita .
saya disini hanya mampu belajar bersungguh-sungguh , bertelefon menanya khabar orang tua dari jauh . :(
Saya rindu dengan family saya . rindu saat-saat saya tinggal dengan family . berharapkan family saya sentiasa sihat dan semoga Tuhan memberkati setiap detik-detik mereka . i love you all .

Family -- Friends -- Lover

Hey followers and reader , pardon me for my long time disappear :) hihi 

it's been a long time i didn't update my blog huh . and jyeahhh . so many things that happen in my life -.-' 

hmmmmm ~ firstly , yeahhh ! i'm begin my life as a student again ;) a college student . haha 

being a college student was really hard for me . ughhh ! stress about assignment , assignment and assignment ! shit man xD the deadline was so close till i didn't get enough time to done it . haisss ~ luckily , my lecturer was awesomeeee ! haha , really kind :) 

 talking about my college life , helljyeahhh ! -.-' i live by myself , INDEPENDENTLY . fuhhhh . really hard for me cause i got gastric and cannot skip my meal even once :( everyday the gastric attacking me . ughhh :|

since i was far from him , the love he gave me more and more day by day :D yeahhh ! 

and me , day by day loving him more and more too :* 

how much i miss my family , him , and my all lovely friends-besties :\

“One day we were brought into the world, knowing love only as being what we had for our toys, family, and friends. Then, you meet someone who alters your conception of love, and you never know how you loved anything before because this kind of love is”

huu ~ no holidays , no going back . just being a vampire at home . huu 

i miss my warm sweet home , my parents , my sistaa and my lil sis . 

the days i being here , my lil sis text me , within 8 years old . she know how to text me jorr . haha

she ask me if i'm being okay here ? what i'm doing on my free time ? did i take my meal ? :(

“The love of a family is life's greatest blessing”

huuu ~ 

my sweetheart , care for me everyday , although we got fight almost everyday ? :'[

he never skip to care about me , recently , he being so nice and sweet to me , aww ~ 

this make me miss him badly :'( 

that day we got a worst fight . hmm -- really , i give up our relationship :(

but , he never leave me . still being with me and said that he can't live without me .

It's the first time he said such thing ♥

my besties , my buddy , my friends ask me for hang out . missing me . omg ! 

i was so lucky got these people to care me and love me . really really do 

♥ I LOVE THEM ALL ♥

Family -- Friends -- Lover        

; Is my important elements in my life ;

Another Bored Day ,

Hmmmm ~ seems like i got the wrong decision huh . I quit my job just because i want to enjoy ma teenage life before i continue my life as a student again . :| but ... errrr -.-'

Everyday was a boring day to me . woke up in the morning ~ helps ma mami do the HOMEWORK . haha xD
eat ~ watching the same movie over and over again ~ listen to ma lovely boi song_ T-Mills ~ sleep ~ and spending the rest of my time infront of ma lappy . how boring my life can be ? :\

Feels like i want to work again , but ... nevermind , just sat at home being a good daughter to ma mami :)

perghh ! BORING ? -_- btw , i miss him , so muchhh ! althoungh we've had less contact . hehe , i know he miss me like i miss him :) wee ~ just now , while i'm waiting his call . he was asleep . derr -.-'
i knew it , cause from early in the morning he didn't text me , and that means he busy doing his things :)
well then about 11++ pm . he call me , and said that he feel sorry with me . just because his fall asleep and awake cause thinking about me . aww ~ how sweet is that . ;) # ilovehimdamnmuchh !

i miss the moments being with him . hugging each other , holding hands , haha . and miss that he like to smell ma hair :P yerrr . i need him , but nvm . as long as ma heart still belong with him .

hehe ~ a little bit like the teddy bear that he gave me . awww ~ ♥

Good Friday ♥

yeahhh . today is Good Friday , a very very Good Day for me . haha
baiknya hari ini dengan saya . ee . haha . dari pagi my parents tidak bagunkan saya [manja] HAHA . so saya tidur sampai jam 9.00 O.o wkwk . taruk .

then , as usual . jemur baju , mop lantai . aand bersihkan luar rumah lagi with ma lovely lil sis . waa ~ rajin tahu kami ini hari . wkwkwkw ! selalu kena teriak mamii dullu ini . haha xD

Tiba-tiba cousin yang paling gila dan disayangi VC with ma sista ~ tapi saya yang kili pigi rebut . -.-'
HAHA , b'ijik2 setelah sekian lama tidak jumpa . haha ! routine tuu . xD
beteriak2 lagi dengan sista , macam urang gila di rumah . HAHA .

Ma lover lagi jumpa saya tadiiii pagi ~ ee . malumalu . haha , he give a morning kiss at ma forehead  ♥
awww ~ ilovehimsomuchhhh and muchhhh and muchhhh :D

hehe , everyday he try to being a good lover to me after the tragedy that happened to our relationship .
we began to appreciate each others :)
And my days were full with flowery :) . deii ~ haha

And also for the person that always be with me at midnight , almost everyday :) and the songs that you had give me . the songs i heard for my bedtime story . haha xD
I appreciate it much  ♥

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

hey ~ iloveyoualways ;) baii

A Night ...

yeahhh , a night that i can't sleep .


 cause i listened to a song that make me love and hate . hmm :/


a song that remind me of the HURTS before .

 There's a pain that lived in my heart and my mind for about 2 years ago . 


Pain still fresh in my heart . If you want the happiness with your lover .


Then you must feel the pain and challenges , 


you've feel it then you will learn how to appreciate each others .


i love you my sweetheart ~ always do ♥

for someone call someone :/

hmmm ~ tidak tahu sudah macamna mahu jelaskan perasaan dalam hati saya !
stress sangat-sangat .
teramat sakit hati !
setiap kali pun begini , sampai bila terus sakit hati . sampai bila saya boleh terima semua ini :'(
setiap kali bergaduh , mesti itu ayat yang keluar !
everytime i heard that phrase , it make me hurt the most :'( but he wont know it .

Lately , i found out that there a person that always beside me , care me more than him .
he is so nice , caring and bla bla bla :)
he gave me a song that i heard it till my tears drop :'(

i feel the love he gave . ;) feel that he cares of me .
but i choose too hide it cause i scared that one day , i'm gonna been hurts again and again and again .

Silent is the best solution for me .
just want you to know that , a broken-heart need sometimes to fix and repair . :'(

L-O-V-E-V-O-L

Yeahhh ! LOVE . 

To LOVE someone unconditionally means that you LOVE the person exactly as they are , 

 exactly as they were before , 

and exactly as they will be in the future because people change all the time , 

so if you LOVE the person , 

you will LOVE them even if they become something you disagree with . 

 LOVE is not about you or your pleasure or your amusement . 

 It’s not about what you get out of it or what the other person can give to you . 

 It’s not about having a trophy you can show off with and tell people 

“This is *MY* girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husbandwhatever”. 

You do not “own” anyone . 

It’s not about 

you feeling ‘proud’ to be with someone who always agrees with everything you say and do and never does anything you disagree with .

Unconditional LOVE means that the person can just live their life exactly as they choose and you will always be there for them no matter what.

 Relationships are like trying to put LOVE into a box and keep it there , 

except LOVE is infinitely sized ,

and the box is… :]

well , there is no box large enough . HEHE

Everyday i LOVE HIM more and more and more ! ;)

Why i say so ?

Its because HE can gave me hapiness in my life ,

everytime when i'm sad , HE can make a joke to make me laugh .

HE being a good listener too ;)

HE's more understanding than me >< hehe .

Everytime i'm happy , HE want me to share with HIM ,

that what we call LOVE .

Sharing every happiness , sadness with our lover .

A good guy wouldn't let his girlfriend laugh , cry and do the crazy things alone ;D

HE is my first and last  ♥ i swear , HE will be the one that by my side FOREVER ! :)


  I ♥ YOU 

My  love  for  you  is  a  journey . Starting  at  forever ; ending  at  never .

I  love  him  and  that's  the  beginning  of  everything

KAWAN YANG TERBAIK :)

Hari ini , kawan saya yang sama-sama kerja berhenti sudah 

gara-gara itu BABI yang bikin stress utak ! 

hmmm ~ saya rinduu dia .

dia seorang yang baik hati . penyabar . rajin . pandai berlawak lagi ? 

haha ! everyday being with her is the best moment ever .

Nama dia Chelse , inilah kami  ;)

eeee , comel tak ? haha . 

saya paling sayang dia tahu ?

hehe ~ tapi tidak lupa juga sayang saya dengan kawan-kawan saya dari bangku sekolah :)

saya rindu mereka sangat-sangat  , eee . malu !

haha . 

I MISS YOU ALWAYS !  LOVE YOU BUDDY :] 

B.R.E.A.T.H.L.E.S.S ;]

If our love was a fairy tale 

i would charge in and rescue you 

on a yacht

baby we would sail to an island

where wed say i do 

and if we had babies they would like you

it'd be so beautiful if that came true

you don't even know how very special you are 

you leave me breathless , you're everything good in my life

you leave me breathless

i still can't believe that you're mine 

you just walked out of one of my dream 

so beautiful you're leaving me 

breathless 

if our love was a story book 

we would meet on the very first page 

the last chapter would be about 

how i'm thankful for the life we've mad

and if we had babies 

they would have your eyes 

i would fall deeper watching you give life 

you don't even know how very special you are 

you leave me breathless , you're everything good in my life

you leave me breathless

i still can't believe that you're mine 

you just walked out of one of my dream 

so beautiful you're leaving me 

 you must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me

you're like an angel 

the things that i feel is stronger than love 

believe me you're something special 

i only hope that ill one day deserve what you've given me 

but all i can do is try everyday of my life

you leave me breathless , you're everything good in my life

you leave me breathless

i still can't believe that you're mine 

you just walked out of one of my dream 

so beautiful you're leaving me 

breathless !

           
                 "Absence sharpens love, 
                                               presence strengthens it."

update again sooner  +.+   ~  hehe :) 

BIKIN PANASSSSSSSSSSSS !!

helloo peeppppsssss ' yeahhh ! baru dapat online ini .
heee ~ btw , sorry sangat sebab jarang update blog :P


Haisssss ! betul betul bikin panas tahu ini perempuan ! kamu mahu tahu siapa ?
hmmmmp ~ no need to mention it .
dia ini seorang perempuan yang tidak tahu menghargai , kenapa saya anggap dia macam itu ?
Ini mesti dicerita dari A ~ Z kan ? HAHA .


Firstly , time saya baru start kerja sini . ada 1 pekerja perempuan name F* with a new worker name N* , also a girl .
Saya friendly with new workers sampai me ajar semua yang saya tahu pasal electricals . saya sudah ajar semua itu . dengan ikhlas , but the things that make me HOT is when the boss ask her a question ' ivy tiada ajar kau kah ? ' She answered  NO . 
What is that mean ! Hey , that time seeing her face + act good and show off infront of me reallyyyyyyyyy ANNOYING !! and i just keep my mouth shut .


Lepas itu , satu orang lagi pergi ajar dia . A boy ,
You guys know what ?? yang make me feel so disgusting about that new workers is ~ dia melekatkan badan dia dengan itu lelaki and acting like she is very interesting to know everything . Dia punya perangai buat saya tambah panas . Bukan pasal jealous or something . It because time saya ajar . dia tahu jawab Oh , Oh and Oh ! when boys yang ajar sampai mahu tergedik-gedik . Okay i'm still keep my mouth shut .
time itu kami 3 girls rapat sangat . me , C* and F*


Next day , si F* pergi berkawan dengan si N* . so me and C* berdua-duaan lar . HAHA . F* tiba-tiba being bestfriend with N* . and being a backstabber  ! SHIT MAN !
orang bilang kasih biar saja kan . Okay . kami semua kasih biar dan pulaukan durang . Cause both of them really annoying . After few weeks together . N* and F* punya perangai makin BATABIAT !!
Naaaa ~ not just me say it , even my boss said like that to , tempat kerja sepatutnya buat kerja kan ??
but for them . Tempat kerja tempat menyundal , tempat mengumpat , tempat dating .
Wooooo ~ hebat kan durang . dari luar macam pergi k
kami diam-diam . kasih biar .


Ini N* banyak rahsia yang dia sembunyikan . yang bestfriend dia si F* saja yang tahu .
Inilah yang dikatakan kawan baik , dia kasih bongkar semua rahsia N* dengan boss and miss .
the new worker had stop . Inikah nama dia kawan ??? KAWAN MAKAN KAWAN !
paling teruk punya manusia ini begini !


After that saya sangka dia akan berubah . so me and C* kasih maaf dia . APA KAMI DAPAT !
Haisssss ! kamu tahan kah dengan orang yang , aishhhhh ! antah ! paling bikin panas ! 


Kalau jadi orang jangan terlampau bikin panas ! bukan semua boleh sabar dengan perangai kau . Dia cuma tahu mengumpat dan mengkritik ! tapi lupa beli cermin untuk diri sendiri ~ ini orang yang tidak tahu malu .
Yeahhhhh ! i really HATE her . Mulut tidak pandai berhenti mengatakan orang .  padahal dia itu bukannya baik dan sempurna sangat .
Orang sudah layan dia bagus-bagus . dia mahu kasih tunjuk lagi perangai dia macam setan !!! Haissss ~ menipu saja kerja . Orang bilang , orang yang jahat tidak akan ada kawan yang setia di sisi . betul . balasan !


memang FIRST TIME lah saya terjumpa orang begini !
teruk sangat-sangat ! aishhhhh  . hari-hari kasih rusak mood orang saja !
i'm just shorted it .
hmmmmp . thats all , Okay , bye .

You Really Broke My Heart :'(

Helloooo peeps ! ;)

EVERY NEW DAY IS ANOTHER CHANCE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE .

Naaa ~ sekelip mata saja tahun telah bertukar , 2012 ‘ S E L A M A T  D A T A N G ‘ dan mahu ucapkan S E L A M A T  T A H U N  B A R U ! juga mahu minta maaf sebab lama tidak update blog J

Hmmm ~ beberapa hari ini , stress sangat-sangat ! L Errr

Hubungan pun makin regang :’( sebelum ini ada post pasal ‘dia’ pergi Indon kan ?

Saya pun bingung apa yang terjadi dengan dia , mungkin disebabkan kami terlalu lama tidak berhubung 

selama dia di Indon , beberapa hari saja boleh mengubah dia :’(

Siapa tidak sedih kan ? aduiiii ~ 19hb 12 2011 dia balik , besok itu hari lahir saya . kami sambut sama-sama  , Saya setia tunggu dia balik sebab kehidupan saya sunyi tanpa dia :’(

Tapi apa yang saya harapkan itu semua sudah hancur !    saya rindu sangat saat-saat saya dengan dia . apa yang saya harapkan tidak dalam jangkaan saya , dia janji dengan saya lepas balik dari Indon semua tidak akan berubah :’( SALAH !! SEMUA TELAH BERUBAH :’( KEHIDUPAN SAYA PENUH DENGAN TANGISAN :’(

Saya menyambut Hari Lahir dengan pergaduhan , saya menyambut Christmas dengan tangisan . saya menyambut Tahun Baru dengan kesedihan .

Hmmm ~ I thought December can bring me happiness , I thought I can celebrate all the event with him that full of laughs , that will be an unforgettable memory for both of us . but the truth is , The month of December is the worse month for me :’(

Sekarang tahun baru sudah , tapi hubungan yang penuh dengan retakan ini belum pulih :’(

Tahun Baru ~ Cuma menyambut kedatangan Tahun yang baru , tetapi benda , perkara , manusia masih sama . termasuklah hubungan kami . :’(

Banyak kali saya mahu putus asa terhadap hubungan kami , tapi saya tetap dengan dia . mengharapkan dia boleh berubah seperti yang dia janjikan :’(

Saya bertahan sampai sekarang , sebab saya meletakkan kepercayaan saya terhadap dia . tiada perubahan ! Sarapan kesedihan , Makan Tengah hari kekecewaan , Makan malam tangisan . SAKIT HATI !! :’(

You always say you hate to see me hurt , and you hate to see me cry . So all those times that you hurt me , did you close your eyes ?

Setiap saat , menunggu dengan harapan yang tinggi , ‘ Harapan yang tinggi , Kekecewaan yang lebih tinggi ‘ hari-hari menyenangkan hati sendiri , ‘’ Kalau dia saying saya , dia tidak akan layan saya begini , dia akan berubah itu ‘’ . tiada dapat apa-apa pun .

Bila hati terluka , KAWAN ialah ubat sementara untuk saya . L Meluahkan perasaan dengan kawan , tapi sampai mana kawan boleh tolong dalam hal percintaan kita . Hanya mampu menasihati dan menjadi pendengar yang setia kepada kita .

Mungkin ini semua punca dari saya , terlalu manjakan dia . Ataupun hukuman karma untuk saya . Saya tidak tahu sudah macam mana mahu selesaikan masalah kami .

 Bila bincang masalah hubungan kami , dia selalu elak dengan menukar topik cerita :’(

Time and time again , I forgave you . I've forgiven you for things that I swore to myself I'd never forgive someone for .  and here you are , still hurting me , and I still forgave you .

Hmmm ~ terluka hati dengan layanan begitu . Saya mampu sabar saja .

Mungkin inilah balasan . Cabaran untuk hubungan kami . Saya berharap sangat-sangat dia dapat berubah seperti dulu .

Rindu sangat  saat  kami saling sayang-menyayangi . bila ada masalah saling membantu , menyelesai dan menyenangkan hati . Berkomunikasi dengan mesra .

Rindu yang teramat :’(

My heart was taken by you . broken by you . and now it is in pieces because of you

*My sweetheart ~ I don’t want to changes all this  , really hard for me to accept it . don’t you know ? :’( isn’t about how much your love for me but your attitude being with me :’(.

You know what ? you have change a lot . you never yell on me before :’( never leave me when we are texting or calling , you always believe me , spoke with me with your softly voice , you like I always bothered you , While calling you never keep silent for hours cause you hate it . NOW ???? YOU DO THAT *ALL* WITH 

ME ! :’(

You're the one who broke my heart .  you're the reason my world fell apart , you're the one who made me cry , yet I'm still in love with you and I don't know why .

I HOPE OUR RELATION WILL KEEP LONGER AND BOTH OF US CAN LOVE EACH OTHER MORE AND MORE ! J

I  A L W A Y S  ♥  Y O U  M Y  S W E E T H E A R T  S O  M U C H !!